Content
Alfur chuckled to himself as he excitedly jotted down the last bit of his latest report. Being the first elf to officially move to Trolberg, he had the privilege of reporting on all of the various happenings of the city to all the curious inhabitants of the Northern Elven Counties. It was a glorious amount of paperwork- and as an elf there was almost nothing he enjoyed more than paperwork.
Of course, it wasn’t all fun and games. Being practically the only elf in such close contact with humans, he was constantly asked for key human-related information by the Northern Elven government. Specifically, the Northern Organization Mainly for Mankind Enquiry and Documentation, or more commonly: N.O.M.M.E.D. It was their job to serve as a wealth of information to prepare elven towns for their occasional yet inevitable run-ins with humans. In fact, the report he was just finishing was written at their request, detailing everything he had discovered regarding the varying sizes of human feet- some particularly invaluable information.
And lucky he was to have just finished it, for at that moment a distinctive whistle sounded from the open window nearby. It was the Elf-Mail courier, signaling a delivery.
“Hello there,” Alfur greeted cheerily as he hopped over to the windowsill.
“Hi,” came the rather dry reply, “Are you Alfur?”
“Yes, that’s me.”
“This is for you.” The courier handed over a single envelope.
“Oh, thank you. Could you also deliver this?” he asked, offering up his latest report. The courier looked it over lazily for a moment.
“Yes, alright.” The report was taken and slipped into the mailbag and the courier left without another word.
“Charming…” Alfur muttered before looking down at his letter. “Oh, another one from N.O.M.M.E.D.; I wonder what they want to know this time?” He unfolded the paper and quickly scanned the first few paragraphs.
“Oh… oh, dear, I’m going to need the suit for this one…”
…
Slightly nervous but dutiful, Alfur pressed a discrete button on the underside of his helmet to begin the recording.
“This is Alfur Aldric. As of now- precisely 02:21 hours- being fully suited up and equipped, and having filled out all of the requisite paperwork, I am ready to begin research for project Spillway at the request of N.O.M.M.E.D. The human subject will be one Hilda of Trolberg.”
Maintaining a bit of his usual pep, he hopped along Hilda’s desk, across her bedside table and onto the edge of her mattress. At this early hour she lay asleep on her belly with her face turned toward him, the side of her head resting comfortably on her pillow, her eyes closed and her body covered in a warm blanket.
“Subject is currently asleep, and earlier studies show that she is quite a heavy sleeper. With the help of the suit, I am reasonably confident that she won’t wake up… probably.”
He started down the length of the bed and poked underneath the blanket. It was pitch black under there, so he hit another button on the underside of his helmet and his suit began to glow, illuminating his surroundings- not that there was much to see with the thick fabric surrounding him. Even so, he quickly found Hilda’s body and followed it down to her feet.
“Hilda is, of course, a natural choice for my human research. She’s the human I’m most familiar with. She’s also the kindest I’ve met, and would more than likely forgive me if I were discovered.”
Continuing with his plan, Alfur walked around to the other side of her bare foot and pulled slightly at the inside hem of her pant leg to create an opening. Then he gently wriggled inside. Crawling now, he gradually made his way up the girl’s pajamas, pushing fabric out of his way until he arrived abruptly at Hilda’s butt. The girl’s cheeks rose before him where her two legs met, and between them, obscured by a drooping section of cloth, was her crotch, just slightly spread as her legs sprawled lazily across her bed.
“That being said, I really hope I am not discovered, because this would be a bit difficult to explain.”
Alfur took a few steps further and moved the fabric of Hilda’s pajamas aside, revealing her loins where lie her pink, adolescent lips and puckered anus. His nervous heart beating quickly in his little elven chest, he approached his friend’s nether region, bracing himself mentally.
“I will now examine Hilda’s, erm, opening, and attempt to locate the correct passageway.”
Biting his lip, the elf reached out and slowly placed a hand on both of the young girl’s labia. Inside his insulated suit, he couldn’t actually feel the considerable heat her body was giving off at this distance, heat trapped and multiplied underneath her pajamas and blanket, but his nerves still made him sweat just a bit.
He glanced around at the skin that surrounded him. No movement. So as gently as he could, he pressed at the sleeping child’s lips and began to spread them apart. The faint pink skin quickly gave way to vivid red as the girl’s insides were revealed, glistening slightly in the artificial glow. To his dismay, spreading the outer lips didn’t seem to reveal much besides the inner ones, so he reached inside a little further and tried to spread those.
Hilda shifted one leg reflexively, twisting the fabric Alfur was standing on and nearly making him lose his footing. It had only been a very slight movement, but that close up it might as well have been an earthquake. The elf panted for a moment as the shock wore off.
“Maybe that was a bit too fast…” he reasoned.
Moving very slowly this time, he gently pushed apart Hilda’s inner lips, which required him to stick almost the entirety of his tiny arms inside her slit. Within a moment, he was able to expose just a sliver of the girl’s private tunnel before his arms pressed up against her thighs. It wasn’t much of an entrance, but it was all the little elf needed.
“The opening, even in a child of Hilda’s age, is quite large- at least to an elf. It seems very wet, and very, um, red,” he recorded faithfully. “I can see there is one clear, large tunnel of sorts, but from my limited knowledge I’m almost certain that this is not the passage we are looking for.” He began to look around a bit more closely, doing his best to peek around the sensitive folds of flesh without disturbing them too much.
“Let’s see…” he muttered, more to himself than to the recording. “She’s sleeping on her front so that means it should be somewhere around… Ah, yes, that must be it.” Switching back to his recording voice, he said, “I believe I’ve found the right passage. It is a much smaller, uh, hole. In her current position, it’s pressed right up against the mattress, but I think I can manage.”
That definitely looks like a tight fit, he thought nervously. Oooh, but the other elves are relying on me to learn everything I can. And just think of how legendary this report will be! …I really hope the suit does its job…
“Alright, I will now attempt to enter through the urethral opening, as planned,” he announced nervously.
He crouched down low, letting the girl’s lips mostly close back up, except for a small section toward the bottom. He eyed the exposed opening for a moment before slowly slipping his hand down toward it and then pressing it inside as gently as he could. To his surprise, despite the seemingly tight confines, his suit-covered hand slid in effortlessly. Inserting his other hand, he was able to pull the tunnel open just wide enough to fit his head.
Then he took the plunge.
From the moment he stuck his helmet into the wet embrace, all he could see was the red flesh of Hilda’s insides pressed uncomfortably close against the protective glass. Still feeling his feet against the inner fabric of her pajamas, he tried to push himself, very slightly, further inside. He was utterly shocked when he quickly slid in up to his waist.
“Well, the ‘ultra-low-friction’ properties of the suit seem to be very effective. I’m sliding in very easily, and Hilda doesn’t seem to mind my intrusion. I can’t see my hands in front of me, but I should be able to…” He turned his palms outward and pressed them against the tight walls. Pulling down as much as he could in the restrictive space, he felt them somehow stick to the slick flesh, pulling him further inside rather than pulling them out. His feet leaving the ground, he felt Hilda’s outer lips close over his legs.
“The grip pads also seem to be doing alright. I’m now completely inside the urethra. That wasn’t so hard, was it? Now I just need to get to the other end.”
Slowly but surely, using the pads on his hands and feet, Alfur began to crawl his way up the girl’s spout. He quickly became aware of Hilda’s heartbeat, vibrating him gently with every pulse as it beat idly in her chest. In fact for a short time that was the only thing that really reminded him of where he was. Other than that, it was just an indistinguishable, overwhelming embrace of smooth muscle, blocking out everything else from view.
Lucky for the little elf, the path was not very long.
After a few seconds, he felt his hand come out into a larger space. Once he got his elbows out too, he pushed them down into the floor of this new chamber, with a fair amount of force, hoping to pull himself out of the tight tube. Unfortunately, it seemed he underestimated again just how ‘low-friction’ his suit actually was, and he accidentally launched himself from the passage like a cannonball, shooting out and knocking into the far wall just a short distance away.
“Oof! Well, that could have gone more smoothly,” he thought aloud, blinking to clear his vision after having his face smushed against the inside of his helmet. That’s when he noticed things felt a bit strange. He felt… lighter than usual, almost like he was…
“Huh, well I’d dare say I’ve made it to Hilda’s bladder,” he announced for the record. “It’s a bit cramped- though given the size of elven bladders I must say it’s really huge.”
Alfur took a moment to look around where no elf had previously laid eyes before. There was no air; instead the entire chamber was filled with a familiar clear-yellow liquid, taking up every millimeter of open space. If he laid flat, he could easily float between the floor and ceiling without touching any of the surrounding muscle. He tried his best not to dwell on the moral or hygienic issues he could ponder and instead remembered the information that N.O.M.M.E.D. had asked him to collect.
“As expected, I seem to be floating in an accumulation of her urine,” he reported. “At her current volume, I’d say she’s already holding enough to flood at least three elven estates. And seeing as she’ll be asleep for at least another three hours, she might very well have more on the way. I will continue to note any changes I observe.”
From there on, everything was quiet. Shockingly quiet, really. Between his helmet, the surrounding liquid and the rest of Hilda’s body, almost no sound made it through to the little elf. His own breathing and heartbeat were the loudest things around. It was actually very womblike in a way, which was ironic considering how close he technically was to an actual womb at the moment.
Without even the need to keep himself upright, he nearly fell asleep as he drifted within the warm waters. Even when Hilda occasionally rolled over, the liquid inside her hardly moved; he would only jiggle around for a few seconds before everything settled down again. Nevertheless, he kept awake and kept vigilant, as minutes slowly turned to hours.
…
“It’s now approximately 06:00, I’m assuming, and the level of Hilda’s fluids have grown considerably. I’ve seen swimming pools that were smaller than this.”
Alfur swam around and inspected- for the umpteenth time- the firm muscles that held the reservoir in place.
“The walls have clearly stretched to make room, they’re a bit rounder now. The color in here has also gotten a bit darker. Oh, I’d hate to think what it must smell like. Glad I’m wearing this suit.” He had taken to voicing stray thoughts like that, just to break the silence.
“It’s so weird to think humans are just carrying all this inside them all the time. I mean, I always knew they were big, but this is almost absurd. I can see why N.O.M.M.E.D. thought this report was so important: just imagine an ill-prepared town getting visited by some ignorant human hiking through the woods. ‘Project Spillway’? Ha! More like ‘Project Flood Drain’.”
His thoughts were interrupted as he felt Hilda shift again, but something was different this time. When things settled, everything was in a position it had never been in before. Then he heard a strange sound, it was hard to make out in his current surroundings, but it might have been a yawn.
“I’m not completely sure, but I think Hilda might have just woken up.”
There was a sudden lurch followed by a dull thud that shook the girl’s entire body and Alfur inside, then a series of dull thuds: footsteps.
“Alright, yes, she is definitely awake now. She’s gotten out of bed and she seems to be walking somewhere.”
A few moments later and he heard what he thought was a door open and then close. She stopped walking for a moment, and then Alfur heard one noise that came through loud and clear: the unmistakable, sharp clack of a toilet seat.
“Right, of course- As expected, it sounds like Hilda has taken her morning trip to the facilities.” There was a sudden lurch as the elf felt himself descend. “I am prepared to observe her bladder as she releases, so I can report on the speed and duration as requested. As per the plan, I will stay inside her to avoid detection until the following- Oh my!”
The bladder walls suddenly squeezed inwards with unexpected force while at the same time the passage through which he had entered quickly relaxed, opening up and beginning to suck down urine like a storm drain. He found himself quickly drawn toward the opening despite his efforts to swim away, as the previously peaceful walls moved in ever closer.
After a second or two of fighting, he felt his foot get sucked into the passage. At first, he thought he might just clog it up, but his suit did what it was meant to do and instead he felt himself begin to slip swiftly down into the tunnel along with a deluge of the girl’s fluids.
With the unstoppable pressure of a full night’s bladder above him, he only needed to blink before he was pulled from the once tranquil chamber and rocketed through the short length of urethra out into open air.
*SPLASH*
Alfur landed in the toilet along with a torrent of urine, which continued to hammer the water’s surface above him as he attempted to right himself amidst the bubbles. After a few seconds, he managed to drift away from the yellow waterfall and find his bearings again, bobbing back up to the surface.
“Oh, wow…” he panted, “That was… that was quite a rush.” He continued to watch the stream poor down from his friend’s behind, only vaguely remembering that he had a job to do. As he caught his breath, however, his priorities started to come back to him as well. And as his wits returned, a new thought crossed his mind.
“Oh no…” he breathed. He immediately started running his hand over the bottom and sides of his helmet, frantically searching for the release lever. The jet of urine was beginning to subside when he found the lever on the back of his neck and pulled it, breaking the air-tight seal around his head with a quick hiss.
As the last stray drops of the girl’s pee dripped into the bowl, Alfur saw Hilda reach behind herself with a wad of toilet paper, just as he reached up and finally pushed off his own helmet.
“Hil-*ACH*” The elf tried to call out but gagged as soon as the fetid toilet air hit his lungs. As she began to stand up, she dropped the soiled tissue, and Alfur saw her begin to reach for the handle just before the falling wad blocked his view.
“Hilda! Wait!!” He finally managed to call out, as the toilet paper fell on him. He struggled to get out from under it while at the same time trying to keep his now exposed head above the water. When he did get clear, he was relieved to see a rather confused Hilda peering down at him from beyond the toilet seat.
“A-Alfur!? What in the world are you doing in the toilet!?” she asked.
“Uh- well, you see… I was, erm, sleep walking, as it were- in the night- and I accidentally fell in.” Oh yes, good job Alfur, very smooth, he thought to himself.
“Well why didn’t you say something before I started using it!?” she asked, apparently too flustered to notice his obvious bluff.
“I did try, but you must not’ve heard me over the sound of your tinkling.” Hilda turned a bit red at this.
“Oh, um… well, let me find something to fish you out, in any case.” She disappeared from view and he could hear her rummaging around the bathroom before quickly popping back up, holding a spool of dental floss.
“Here,” she offered, lowering a length down to him. He grabbed on eagerly and she pulled him out, letting him down next to the sink where he collapsed onto his knees. He hadn’t been on solid ground in hours.
“I was going to take a morning shower, but I suppose you need one more,” she remarked, still quite embarrassed, “I think I’ll just leave you with the sink.” She turned and walked out the door, closing it behind her.
“Ahhhh,” Alfur sighed with relief. “That was close.”
“…Wait a minute! The toilet seat was closed when I came in!” She barged back into the bathroom. “And what kind of pajamas come with a helmet?!”
“Oh dear…” Alfur muttered.